I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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