This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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