He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
