it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
