i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
