question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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