I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
