So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
