I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
