so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
