Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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