She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
