I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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