is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
