I'm passing your future prison.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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