Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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