we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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