Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
