I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
