There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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