we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Less talking, more tequila
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
