im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
