I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
