I CAN MOONWALK!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
