Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
