Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
