how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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