either way he was missing a nipple.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
