Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
