Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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