My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
