Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
