so explain again why im purple
no
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
