i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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