I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Dignity is for republicans.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
