You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
