We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just cut my nipple shaving
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
