well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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