first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
