If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
