I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I forgot how hot balto sounded
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
