one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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