you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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