I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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