my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
