For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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