The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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