he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
