Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
