I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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