So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
